There is a person in here somewhere

It's never what it seems to be, life. Stuck with unknown emotions. A stare and an absent mind. No, not absent. I know it is functioning; I just don't know to what extent. It is a pressing urgency, something big and majestical. It's the next big break in evolutionary breakthroughs. Alas, this great and wonderful knowledge is trapped away. With no form of proper translation how will I ever get it out? Let alone down on "paper"? I am not alone is this brilliant and urgent tuning out. I have witnessed many powerful minds get sucked into their own vortex only to reveal: NOTHING. These answers to the unknown trapped away, there....right there. On the tip of our tongues. In the ever firing neurons and synapses. Making so much sense when you don't realize you're thinking it and completely disintegrating when you try to touch it. If only my brilliance could shine outside of my own mind. Oh the places I'd go and things I would see. The problems I'd solve and the thinks I would think.

coming along now

working atm!!! gonna get enough to make 2 months rent at a time, this should please my husband greatly!!!! doing pretty good working, exercising, tanning and playing house..........looking up :)

rut

still fighting the battle :/. I am tan now though. still not producing my best money wise.....lazy. not doing very well with my bible study either....planting a garden this weekend. still trying to lose 30+ pounds. i have been going to the gym everyday at least.

week one fin

its been a week, been going to the gym and working and tanning and spending time with the kids!!! still yelling too much but not nearly as much as before. I am doing really well getting all the things done that I want to. Still gotta work on the eating ( do really well for the most part, its the dates with the hubby that get me!!!! we both love food way way way too much, but we discovered other things we can do instead like shoot pool, watch a movie, window shop all kinds of things :)...) doing pretty good. Monday is a new week, plan on working 3 hours (every weekday is my goal on that), working out for 3 circuits (again every weekday) and getting closer to max tan time! my daughter starts dance on wednesday, so exciting she has never done this before but she will be wonderful she was built for it!!! it is wonderful to be in a position to where the kids can do sports and activities. for so long it was just me and i couldn't afford these things, my husband is wonderful. just being on schedule for this one week has made such an impact on my mood. fingers crossed that i can stay motivated!!!~til next time :)

day 1.5

well I did not fall asleep until 7:30 this morning :/. I got two hours of work done so far, worked out for one circuit, tanned, took the girls to look at dresses (no nail painting)ate a healthy portion of dinner, still have bible study and hopefully another hour of work to get in, if not then it's ok i think i did pretty good at meeting my daily goals for my first day!!

day 1

it's late again, surprise. i am on a journey to find myself. i'm not new to this just have been lazy the past 5 years. i need to change my spiritual, sleeping, working, eating, exercising, grooming, and activity habits. i hope that by creating this blog i will be able to stick to a schedule and encourage myself to follow through. maybe now i can hold myself accountable instead of blowing off the gym to lay in the bed until two in the afternoon just to wake up and eat ice cream :/. i have a very pitiful goal of three hours of at home work a day, i was doing ok off and on but it really should not be an issue, it's three hours. seriously. i have gained about 40 pounds and i do not shave my legs as frequently as i should. or even get out of my pj's for that matter. it is time to take back my life. with each day i hope to be able to jot down how much work i accomplished, how long i worked out, how early i woke up, how much candy i did not eat, what one thing i did to make myself feel beautiful, how much time i devoted to prayer and study, and one fun activity that i spent with my family being happy instead of grumpy. it is 2:05 a.m. cst 1/26/2012. i plan to be up at 5:45 a.m. to begin work, and go to the gym and tan after that, have yogurt/oatmeal for breakfast, paint my daughters' nails without getting frustrated and begin catching up on my study plan. like this tree i hope to have fresh new buds and blossoms by spring.